Castro and Homosexuality, a la Merton

Getting married?

If you're planning a wedding, you're likely finding lots of dreck for same-sex couples out there on the web. Most of us find bits and pieces here and there and look to straight sites for guidance and it just doesn't work. Never fear, help is on the way.

Check out queerwedding.com. The web master and her partner just got married and she decided to help other couples plan their perfect ceremony. The site is still a work in progress. She's looking for any and all advice or info folks have to share.

I'll provide a link to her site on the side bar so you can easily go there and keep up with the progress!

Kris Dresen: comic genius

If you've been around this site for awhile you know I'm one of those late bloomers, came out at 35. When I was coming out, of course I was ravaging teh interwebz for anything and everything lesbian. I came across a rare gem in all that mess: Kris Dresen.

Dresen is a comic artist and she creates inky tableaus of we lesbians at our best and at our worst. And sometimes, she makes a serious funny. Follow the link, I guarantee you've experienced that conversation if not witnessed it.

In defense of hate speech, or what do you have against lima beans Les?

A recent poll suggests we as a country believe hate is on the rise. Rasmussen Reports’ study suggests the recent shooting at the Holocaust Museum and the assassination of a late term abortion doctor are likely contributors to the general feeling tensions are on the rise.

Public policy seems contradictory to that for the LGBTQ community. Barney Frank has introduced a version of ENDA that includes the Trans community. Seven states have legalized gay marriage. The Obama administration has made a nod towards benefits towards same-sex partners. It would seem that we’re gaining acceptance more and more.

But there always seems some backlash. The two incidents noted above aside, we had our own look at bald-faced bigotry when the Neo-Nazi’s showed up to protest Pride. There protest merely succeeded in making the event a success for the GLO organizers. But the hate-mongers' message was not missed.

Hate is still alive and well.

Attempts to quell the hate abound. Local lawmaker Sara Lampe has worked, so far unsuccessfully, to pass anti-bullying legislation. There are also many who wish to pass laws banning hate speech. The argument is we stop the hate speech before it escalates into violence.

I’m afraid it isn’t that simple. Stopping hate-fueled speech won’t stop the hate. The root cause here is the hate not the speech. That hate is going to exist whether the haters are silent or the loudest bigots on the block.

Let’s pretend for a minute I hate lima beans. Ok, no pretending, I REALLY hate lima beans. And I bitch all the time about what a scourge on the vegetable world lima beans are and how I’d like to burn every field that produces lima beans. Governor Nixon hears my rants and decides I’m a danger to Missouri’s farmers and passes a law that I’m not allowed to even say the word lima bean. That may shut me up, but it certainly won’t make me quit hating lima beans, or avoiding lima beans or even smashing them when I think no one is looking. In fact, it’s liable to make that behavior worse.

Yes those signs and words the Neo-Nazi’s brought to our Pride hurt and were hard to hear. But I’m glad they showed up. I’m glad they showed their faces. I’m glad I was able to look them in the eye. Because like it or not, now they can’t hate in a vacuum where we’re just a bunch of faceless fags.

Further, knowing they are around helps all of us to be vigilant. More importantly, law enforcement knows they are around. There were several of those young men whose FBI portfolio was created or got fatter that day. And at the very least, the speech gives them a vent for the vitriol they feel. While that vent isn’t enough for some, it’s enough for most.

This country has a long-standing tradition of allowing, accepting and even encouraging dissent, even when that dissent is difficult to hear. Dissent is the sincerest form of patriotism because without a flow of ideas, good and bad, this country may as well cease to exist. In a nation that is for the people, of the people and by the people there are going to be a wildly diverse collection of ideas and opinions. And those are surely going to clash from time to time.

Obama's benefits plan misses the mark

President Obama signed an Executive Order last night extending sick leave and long term care benefits to same-sex federal workers but does not go so far as to include health care or retirement benefits. Needless to say, there was much rancor over the slight nod in our direction.

U.S. Rep Jared Polis an openly gay Democrat from Colorado said:

“I am glad the president has decided to extend benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. The exclusion of health care and retirement benefits because of DOMA, however, provides little real benefit to same-sex partners and is a far cry from the equality we seek. I again call on the president to repeal DOMA or work with Congress to end this law.”

Still the order is a step in the right direction. The Gay Rights Movement has suffered setbacks over the last year, but also cleared many hurdles. Seven states now have legalized gay marriage with still others working in that direction. Prop 8 was a stunning setback for California, but many believe the stage is set for a federal case to be made.

Outrage at the Moxie

The movie “Outrage” is coming to the Moxie on June 26. The film by documentary filmmaker Kirby Dick kicks Washington politicians out of the closet. These are the politicians who attempt to hide their sexuality by actively opposing gay rights legislation.

The film talks about Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho who found himself in hot water after “lewd” behavior in an airport and Sen. Edward L. Shrock, of Virginia, who resigned after being outed by The Advocate. The filmmakers also speak with some politicians, such as retired U.S. Representative Jim Kolbe who was out while in office.

Asked if he thought the film would be dismissed in a San Francisco Chronicle article, Dick says, “We spent nearly three years making this film, and we had a team of researchers. We made very sure that our cases were very strongly built. So, I'm 100 percent confident in our position.”

None-the-less the film will be controversial and make lots of folks in Washington uncomfortable if not angry.

Traditional marriage explained

Hilarious

Pride and Prejudice

GLO’s annual PrideFest has always been a hot topic and not always in a positive way. Many in our community believe GLO mismanages the event and holds it back. The members of this year’s Pride committee set out to quiet those complaints.

Full disclosure, until a few weeks ago, I was a member of the committee. I left for personal reasons, I spread myself way too thin the last year. The Wife has often commented I need to stop trying to save the world long enough to spend some time with her. I can’t argue with that.

I also strongly felt the Pride Committee was over ambitious this year. However, I will say this year’s Pride was much better attended and planned than last year’s event. I suspect that’s due more to the attention the Nazi’s brought to the event than the organizers.

Cabaret was well advertised. Pride was not. At least until Roger Ray got an opportunity to grand stand over the Nazi’s coming to protest.

There were more vendors. PROMO, APO and several church groups were out in full force and likely got some much needed exposure. In addition to the drag entertainment, the committee was able to get live music. The last act, Summer Osborne, kept the party going until 9:20.

I was also pleased to see Jeanette Oxford there, she is an out state lawmaker. She came to help PROMO’s cause. She also got a chance to talk to Cory De Vera from the News-Leader. Sadly, Ms. De Vera didn’t really use much of that interview and chose to focus on the protest instead.

There are three out lawmakers in Missouri. It’s a great story. But I’m sure for the News-Leader it’s a bit too edgy.

And I’m not saying the protest wasn’t newsworthy. At least KOLR 10 and the News-Leader covered it, which is more than can be said for KY-3 and KSPR. Which is sad, because I know the big news is the triple murder in Cole Camp, but given the shooting at the Holocaust Museum this past week, the Nazi’s protesting is also a good story those outlets chose to miss.

However, GLO needs a lot of work in the public relations arena. They can hardly advertise a major event like Pride and didn’t do a whole lot to get their own message out about the folks protesting the event. I hope they can get better at that because it’s really hurting the organization.

GLO offers a lot of great services, from support groups to movie nights. Yet, very few in our community take advantage of it. Sure you can chalk some of it up to people not wanting to hang out on Commercial Street but most of it comes down to poor marketing. Granted, GLO is a volunteer organization and that can be a challenge.

Reaction from the crowd attending Pride was mixed. I heard everything from Pride was better than last year to “This sucks.”

From my vantage point, it seemed most folks were enjoying themselves but Pride was still mostly the same, just with a few more vendors and some loud mouths. And truthfully, unless the GLO Board sees fit to court more business support and run Pride more like the Black Tie affair, it will likely never be more than a big party next to the GLO Center.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it being a big party next to the GLO Center, but it all comes down to what the Community wants. Which is also problematic because we as a community are SO good at being divided and often our own in-fighting does far more damage than a protest by a fringe group.

The Nazi's are coming, don't hide

Roger Ray’s heart is in the right place. In his latest editorial in the News-Leader, Dr. Ray calls for the Queen City community to come out and stand up to the Nazi Group planning to protest this Sunday’s Pride event.

To quote the good doctor:

The day I read in the News-Leader that our Human Rights Commission was being cut from the city's budget, I was also handed a notice published by the local neo-Nazi group, the National Socialist Movement, announcing their intentions to disrupt this weekend's Pride Fest (Sunday, 1 to 8 p.m., on Commercial Street).

The plight of the gay community in Springfield has certainly improved over the past decade, but we are a long way from being the kind of city that is so free of racial, gender and sexual prejudice that we can close down our Human Rights Commission. But in the absence of a city-funded office to advocate for the targets of discrimination and hate crimes, persons of conscience must become increasingly willing to publicly and visibly stand up in defense of the rights of minorities in Springfield.

As we learned in the 2001 incident in which a local black man was stabbed by neo-Nazi skinheads in a Denny's restaurant, the perpetrators of these hate crimes can be difficult to apprehend when they are acting in a group. It took nearly three years to find and charge those responsible for the knife attack on Maurice Wilson. We are fortunate that the attackers were found and identified at all because these gangs tend to move their members around the country to avoid detection and apprehension since one flabby, tattooed bald guy with bad teeth looks a lot like other dentally challenged, heavily tattooed, hairless, unemployed, corpulent men.

I had been invited to speak at the Pride Fest and was weighing that invitation against an invitation to go to a friend's lake house. The thought of a gang of thugs in black uniforms, decorated with red swastikas attempting to disrupt the Pride Fest sealed my decision. The stated goal of this little gang of terrorists is to "let the homosexuals know that they are not welcome in our town and that we will not tolerate their "celebration"."(sic)

I’ll reserve from commenting on the good doctor’s decision to not go to his friend’s lake house.

I do applaud Dr. Ray’s appeal that the straight community join us at our Pride celebration. We welcome all who support us to the party, and Nazi’s or no, it should be a good time. I think we can all agree that the more we stop dividing things between gay and straight the more we can accomplish together.

But back to the matter at hand, I saw the same flyer Dr. Ray did. I think he’s taking things a twee bit out of context. Yes, the Nazi’s are coming to Pride, to protest. They have a First Amendment right to do so. But let’s examine some hard facts:

1. Pride is being held on private property. There will be police there. The Nazi’s won’t be allowed on said private property.
2. The public property the Nazi’s will have available to protest on is a sidewalk. A small, crumbling sad stretch of sidewalk on Commercial Street where few of the Pride celebrants will even be able to see them.

So if the Nazi’s disrupt Pride it’s because we LET them. What irks me beyond measure about Roger Ray’s over-exuberant attempt at help is it gives the Nazi’s just what they want, they now think we’re afraid of them.

Well, we aren’t afraid of a few Nazi’s Dr. Ray. I’ve read the National Socialist Movement’s literature. Yes, they’re a scary group who believe in the most horrible bigotry imaginable. But the Nazi’s also know there are going to be cops there and none of them want to get arrested. They just want to make enough noise and nuisance that one of us queers gets out of line and slugs one of them. Then they can show the world what reprobates we are.

Do. Not. Give. Them. The. Pleasure.

I challenge each and everyone of you to outright ignore them and if you must speak to them, let honey drip from your tongue. Do not give them the satisfaction of thinking for one nanosecond you give a rat’s ass about their worthless bigotry. The minute you take their bait, we all lose.

Gay Clout

In the movie “Angels In America,” Roy Cohn’s character scoffs that in years of trying homosexuals have been unable to pass an equal rights amendment. He says this is because they lack clout. And it often feels we are relegated to a second class citizenship.

Only seven states allow gay marriage. In 30+ states, we can still be fired from jobs and evicted from homes. We cannot sponsor people from abroad as spouses. The refrain “marriage is between a man and a woman” has even issued forth from a beauty queen’s lips …

…and it bit her in the ass.

It would seem our cloutless status may be changing. But forcing Miss California to rethink her words is child’s play compared to the “clout” we wield economically. As proponents of Prop 8 found, we aren’t without gay teeth and will bite.

When the list of major donors to Prop 8 became public, many of the businesses who gave their financial support to the initiative found their gay patrons no longer supporting them. In some cases, these businesses found themselves with a host of picketers outside their doors. The reaction may not have had a public policy impact immediately, but I’m sure those folks are thinking really hard about publicly supporting something of that nature in the future.

Our pocket books may have an even greater impact on the issue of Gay Marriage. In the June 3 edition of Newsweek, the magazine reports that Massachucetts has seen a positive economic impact from same-sex marriage:

In the five years since legalizing same-sex marriage, Massachusetts has gained $111 million in spending from gay weddings, according to a new study published by UCLA's Williams Institute, which studies sexual-orientation law and public policy. "That's money buying flowers, hotels, caterers, hiring a band—all the things that go into a wedding," explains M. V. Lee Badgett, a coauthor of the study.

On a recent trip to Kansas City, I picked up the gay weekly paper there and learned KC is actively courting same-sex newly weds from Iowa to honeymoon there.

If the UCLA study’s numbers are right, at $7400 per wedding, few states can afford not legalize same-sex marriage or at the very least civil unions. If they don’t, they’re costing their states tens of thousands of dollars … given that 10 percent of us are gay.

In fact, Congress evaluated the issue back in 2004 and came to the conclusion that if all 50 states legalized same-sex marriage the federal government would see tax revenues of $1billion. The simple fact of the matter is there are lots of gay dollars to be had out there and so far seven states have a monopoly on that revenue.

Human nature being what it is, I can’t imagine many states will continue to let those states be the sole beneficiaries. It may be queer as a three dollar bill, but those queer Benjamins still spend at Wal Mart.

:::FROM WILDELIFE::: Bene Vita, Little Rock, cozy and tasty

The get me through to Friday post

It’s Wednesday so we’re more than half way to the weekend. Which means, duh, we’re all thinking about the weekend. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m more than a little peeved I’ve got Thursday and Friday workday to deal with.

Harumph.

Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of my time pining for the weekend and wasting time at www.textsfromlastnight.com. The site is essentially a compendium of drunk texting nationwide. A sample? So glad you asked:

(610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

And speaking of drunken debauchery, looking forward to the weekend? While I’m not sure there are any drunks or any debauches but The Queen City Cabaret kicks off Pride week this Sunday, June 7 at 7 p.m. at the Skinny Improv. Tickets can be purchased by calling 831-9938. Prices are from $25 to $35 and entertainment ranges from music to comedy to drag.

There’s a whole host of other activities going on from Monday forward. Check GLO’s site for details.

Gwedded!

Where have I been?

Well, for starters I got married. Or had a commitment ceremony. However you choose to look at it the GF is now the Wife.

The morning of our ceremony we had some last minute details to work out. Of course a trip to Wal Mart was involved. As we sashayed in, the Wife saw a former classmate from high school.

She didn’t want to talk to this person, not someone she was close with and I think there might have even been the hint of fear that this person would be judgmental about us. But then the Wife announced, “If we had more time I think I would go up and inform her that we’re getting gay married today.”

And that’s when we decided, it’s not enough to say we’re married. We have to tell people we’re GAY married.

My mother, bless her heart, only had one high speed come apart that day … the cake lady was late and the cake was wrong. Now, not dreadfully wrong. It didn’t say, “Happy Wedding Brent and Trish,” like a certain item did at my first marriage.

No the cake lady got two of the layers mixed up so that the chocolate layer was smaller than the Creamcicle layer and in Mom’s eyes that was a crime. I think she was ready to go after the lady with an ice pick.

But the ceremony was lovely. Very small, just family. My blond twin performed the nuptials, then we all ate too much cake and drank really good champagne.

And then, because I love the Wife, we went for beers and to the cage fights at the Shrine. Ah romance.

The Wife enjoyed herself immensely. I had fun but was so worn out from all the wedding prep, I fell asleep in one of those oh so comfy chairs. Ahem.

Moving on.

I’ve also been working on some other personal projects, oh and I once again have the Vulcan Death Flu, not to be confused with the H1N1 virus. No this is just general hacking, wheezing and swallowing dozens of Mucinex, chased with the Wife’s magic chicken noodle soup.

So once I’m completely back on my feet, I’ll be back to the snark you’ve come to know and love. I’ve got a smackdown coming on Fedora as well as a rather famous barbeque joint in KC, but praise for an amazing pizza joint there.

And a word of congrats to the seven states where gay marriage is now a reality legally. Let’s face it, there are those of us who don’t need the government’s blessings over our union, but it is the right thing … and bit by bit we’re losing small battles but winning the war.