Barbara Ehrenreich on Gay Marriage

My interest in Barbara Ehrenreich began with her book Nickled and Dimed, a definite MUST for anyone who thinks that it's entirely on the shoulders of the hourly-wage employee if they're not affluent and successful. I also suggest following that one up with her look at white-collar work, Bait and Switch. She shows what really goes on in the attempt to survive--or join--the world of work.

Cheeky to a near-fault, Ehrenreich has provided some of the most biting social commentary in her book This Land is Their Land. And one of the reasons I bought the book was because of her take on same-sex marriage.

I actually read this book a few months back, but I found my copy in the backseat of the car. And my thoughts immediately went here.

In the form of satire, Ehrenreich posits that what's missing from the PR effort in gay marriage is to show how we're doing just great without the legal rights. We can stay up all night partying, even if we're well past our party prime. We can leave relationships on a whim. Forget debates on kids! As one couple I know pointed out, they don't want a marriage: their mortgage is MUCH harder to get out of!

All this sound like too much? I understand...and laugh heartily at her humor!

My relationship is valid with or without the government stamp of approval. Unfortunately, what's not okay with me isn't simply the fundamental legal benefits of marriage. It's the fact that if my partner gets killed in an auto accident (Heaven forbid!), and has not established a health care directive, his estranged sister has more right to make decisions than me. In the event of his death--unless he has taken extreme precautions to set up the legal aspects--all of his belongings default to his family...despite our consistent communication, and his family's--well--lack, thereof.

There's a lot that won't be resolved by simply giving same-sex marriages the name "marriage". Churches will still debate the moral implications. Fights will still ensue. But are we arguing a moral point?

I noticed this idea today, too, because of Les's post on the DOMA lawsuit coming out of MA. Yes, it's time. And certainly, this has an infinitely better shot of passing the bar than anything else. But we need to be honest, here. Just getting DOMA off the record is a start--not a finish line.

And I have my own take on "DOMA", for its semantic implications...but that's another post entirely.