I’m celebrating my old pal Doc Holiday’s victory as Mr. Central Midwest US 0f A MI last night. The following is chapter one of an homage to Doc. Chapter two will follow a little later as well as an interview with Doc himself on life being a drag in a good way.
A King’s Life – Chapter One
By Les Bian
“Thank you for calling Artisan Healthcare. How may I assist you?” Ruth breathed into the phone, trying to mask her exhaustion. Thankfully, it was the end of the workday and she knew this would be her last call. It was also the end of the week and she was excited for her weekend.
Ruth pulled her focus back to the caller who was droning on about how the insurance company was repeatedly kicking a claim back to him that his policy said was covered. Her fingers worked over the keyboard, punching up his account. A few more keystrokes, and she was into the claim in question.
Scanning through line by line, she quickly discovered the problem. “I see the problem, sir. The doctor’s office entered the wrong code on your claim. I’ve made the correction and re-submitted for you. You shouldn’t have a problem, but please call us back if you do.”
The caller thanked her and hung up. Ruth set about shutting her system down for the night. She placed her headset in its cradle, arranged all her pens neatly in their cup, straightened her blotter and keyboard cord. She was as fastidious about her desk as she was detail-oriented about her claims review.
She stood and put on her coat and left her cube, switching off the light. With each step she took away from that cube, she took a step away from her business day persona. It was Friday, and it was time for her to begin her transformation from Ruth Green to Joe Rider.
She may have been a meek insurance claims representative weekdays, but on the weekends she was a sexy drag king. No one at work knew about her “double” life. No one knew about her girlfriend, Molly or her constant trips to thrift stores for costumes.
Ruth had no personal pictures on her desk and kept her office conversation to the topics of weather and policy auditing. It grated on her nerves that her straight colleagues could have pictures and talk about their spouses. But, the company she worked for didn’t have a sexual orientation clause in their non-discrimination policy. One could never be too careful.
Arriving home, Ruth hung her keys on the key holder next to the front door. Molly came out of their kitchen smiling, “Hey baby! You ready for tonight?”
Ruth smiled and wrapped her arms around Molly’s waist, leaning down to kiss her. “Yep, I sure am darlin’,” she drawled, using Joe’s stage voice. They both laughed.
“I pulled your kit out. The clothes for both numbers are in there and I put out the mechanic’s outfit to wear over to the bar,” Molly said as she walked back toward the kitchen. “I warmed up some of the leftover chili for supper too.”
“You’re too good to me,” Ruth said with a smile.
She had started doing drag a few months after she and Molly had gotten together. Ruth had always been a shy, unassuming woman. She was overly quiet and slow to warm up to new people. Molly practically had to hit Ruth over the head to get her to realize Molly was interested. They met at a drag show.
In their smallish college town, that’s where you went to meet other lesbians. Well, you went to the gay bars but there was almost always a drag show involved at any one of them. Ruth always enjoyed the shows, but couldn’t help but think she could do better than the kings she saw weekly on stage.
The first time she put on a cowboy hat and facial hair together she felt like an entirely different person. And Joe was different from Ruth. Joe was smooth, confident and always smiling. He could dance a jig or do a passable soft shoe. Joe was a born entertainer.
After dinner, Ruth took a shower and then began her physical transformation. After protectively covering her nipples with Bandaids, Molly used duct tape to strap Ruth’s breasts down. Ruth pulled on a tank top to cover the tape. The whole endeavor not only hid her breasts but also created the appearance of male pectoral muscles.
After drying her hair, she used gel to shape her closely cropped blond hair into a more masculine style. Then it was time to put on makeup. It seemed odd to be putting cosmetics on as a male impersonator, but the stage lights washed you out and an Adam’s apple had to be shaded in.
Ruth reached for a small container of hair clippings and her tube of spirit gum. She had her hairstylist save her hair clippings every haircut. Ruth spent a good deal of time, watching television and chopping her hair clippings up to a smaller, finer texture. Some kings bought facial hair or simply drew it on with makeup. Ruth thought it looked more natural to use her own hair. This was, after all, about creating the illusion of being a real man.
She began the laborious process of creating a goatee and sideburns. Twenty minutes later, all traces of Ruth were gone. Joe was the person staring back from the mirror.
Joe made his way to the bedroom to change into his “arrival” clothes. Some of the kings showed up to the bar in their street clothes. Joe thought this destroyed the magic they all worked to create on stage. When you got to the performance site you should be who you’re going to be for the rest of the night. The audience was there to see Joe, not Ruth who becomes Joe.
Joe found the clothes neatly arranged on the bed. Molly was always supportive and entirely helpful of Joe’s drag performances, except for one thing. Joe’s package wasn’t with the gear. Joe laughed. Molly had a phobia of the silicone prosthetic device Joe wore to make his jeans fit like a man’s jeans were supposed to fit.
“I’m with a woman because I want to be with a woman. I don’t like penis real or imagined,” Molly said the day Joe’s soft pack arrived. She refused to touch it.
Joe found it in the rolling kit box he took with him to his shows. It was full of everything from spare facial hair to Super Glue. He grabbed the dick and arranged it carefully in the front of his boxer briefs.
He slipped into his jeans, ripped thermal and mechanic’s work shirt. A mesh backed baseball cap, work boots and a chain wallet completed the look.
“Looks good, honey,” Molly said from the door.
Joe smiled.
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