Flora, fauna, fisticuffs and peach vajayjay

I’ve had one of those days where I find myself glad to be at the tail end of it. I was hard at work when I had the odd sensation of something moving across my foot. I jerked my head to one side and then caught movement out of the corner of one eye. The movement turned out to be a brown field mouse scampering across my office floor.

A beat later I put two and two together and realized the sensation on my foot had been, well, vermin. I am proud to say I didn’t scream … but only because I was too slow to realize what had happened.

This would more or less set the tone for my day.

After work, I had some business to conduct at a local florist. As I pulled into a parking space, I noticed a commotion at the far end of the lot. Two men were having a fist fight. Apparently, someone pissed someone else off in traffic and they decided to settle it mano y mano … except for one guy decided to settle the altercation with a hatchet he pulled from his truck.

It was at that point we all pulled out our cell phones, made note of license plates and got louder in our shouts for the two of them to cut it the fuck out. They then sped out of the parking lot and, speaking of vermin, the cops showed up fifteen minutes later.

Later still, I had to make a run to the charming and lovely Battlefield Mall to purchase some lotion because of the dry winter air. I had the GF with me. The GF LOATHES Bath and Body Works … and with good reason they stopped carrying her favorite Jasmine Vanilla Conditioner, the VERMIN.

By the time we left the store, she was in full on rant about how she couldn’t understand why they stopped carrying something that was pleasant hair conditioner in favor of carrying a products that would make your vajayjay smell like peaches … the GF is always quotable when I least expect it.

We capped the evening off by nearly running into even more vermin. Rounding the corner into our neighborhood, the GF ended her Bath and Body Works rant abruptly to shout, “Deer. Deer! DEER!!!!”

Fortunately, the VW stops on a dime. Actually, I think we stopped so suddenly we may have gone BACK in time. But we learned something important: while deer may not be too afraid of cars, they REALLY aren’t fond of the squealing of car brakes. Scattered like so many leaves and we made it home safe and sound.

I’m off to have shower, but I’m going to smell like mint instead of peaches. Heh.